I'm scared....

*I promise this will be last sad and emo post le about relationships, unless something else happens~

Loving a girl is like making her the most important person in your life.
But how many guys really did it?

 I once loved a girl...but to be honest, I didn't do anything special for her. Looking back, I see myself as a jerk that doesn't understand girls. I see myself as a childish ignorant kid that doesn't understand love. Only when you lose it, you only understand how important she is in your life.
That was the past and years have passed since....

Between now and then, a few girls stepped into my heart...
But I never won their hearts...

Until now....

A story that very few people know..and very few people will understand...
A story that I hope she will never know and never understand...

I remember the first day I saw her, She stood out from the others, she has a smile that can brighten your day.
As time passes.... I slowly see a lot of similarity between us, the way we're raised, the way we think and others. Slowly she conquered my heart.....

But, I never got the guts to take the first step....
I was scared that I will never succeed..
I was scared of problems that will come out in the future....
I was scared she will never accept me..
since why should she?

I'm not someone special...
I'm just an ordinary kid around the block...

A kid that complains a lot...
A kid that talking before thinking..
A kid that is stupid
A kid that is bad at talking
A kid that doesn't deserve to be loved...

I always think I'm special or handsome...
But the truth is that
I'm never the most handsome guy in college..
I'm not the most popular person in college..
I'm not the smartest person in college...
I'm not a good friend nor a good listener...
I'm nothing...
I'm only a B compare to others.....


Soon....she found her true love somewhere else....

The most painful part of loving someone isn't being rejected by someone..
But seeing her with someone else...

Knowing that the lucky guy isn't you...
Knowing that all the fantasy with her can never come true...
Knowing that you just hit the wall....
Knowing that....It's never going to happen...

That's when you have to wake up from all those stupid dreams you have and face the reality...

I never knew until I saw the way she reacts with that guy, I never thought that she will be with him...
That day was probably the saddest day I have in months...I hold back my feelings and shoved it into the deepest part of my heart...
The second day, I asked her....and she said she is in a relationship with that guy...

The moment she told me that, I started to laugh, maybe laughing at how stupid I was..
I was sad and happy at the same time....
I wanted to tell her how I felt about her, but the best she should never know...
Seeing her happy with him, is the best thing I can do and slowly forget about her...

Time is the best medicine...

But the other question is....
Why don't dare to take the first step...

I don't think I'm ready to love someone...
I scare I cannot do what a good boyfriend should do...
I scare I cannot make her feel special
I scare I will repeat the same mistake again, and hurt another girl...
I scare I will hurt someone again...

I'm scared....