On my mind

Actually I was quite emo the last few days... confused and lost....
too many things happen in the last few weeks, too many drama and too many problems...
Sometimes Its my own fault....

I just want to speak out my feelings and concern, I don't regret any of my actions.
Maybe you think I'm wrong about things, wrong about you all.
Maybe you think that I'm too stubborn to change and accept others and other cultures.
Maybe you think that I'm a abnormal person.

In a group of people, you will notice there are people that are closer together than others. This is a fact, people with the same "frequency" will be better friends and form a smaller but closer circle. I'm not saying that this isn't true.

But sometimes its better to get out of the circle and interact with others. Interact with others that you don't feel comfortable, maybe you'll see the other side of them. Maybe you all tried, if that is the case that,  great job  =).
If not, at least give them a chance, and don't shut yourself down.

I also got this problem and I admit it, and I know I'm not trying hard enough.

A good friend is worth a thousand friends

I'm not a closed minded person, I can accept some things that I believed in.

But somethings I really think is meaningless.
I don't understand what's the fun of inflicting physical pain on others?
I don't believe it will improve your relationship, I just think you all do it for fun.
I admit it will be fun plus you got the chance for revenge if you want, , but its painful for the other person.
But I still believe its pointless,
you can still do it on me, but I will NEVER inflict it on others.
Then you will say I don't dare to play, I'm too closed minded...bla bla bla....
If I want to play I can also gila gila....
But somethings I just don't think its good at all...


Change is good, but never lose yourself in the process.....

All these things was in my mind the last week, sort of made me "emo"....


What made my day was when a friend post on my wall

"Xiang Zhi Tan Expect the unexpected, never expect the expected =)"

 I was quite surprised when she posted it on my wall. The only other people I heard they talk about this are AFSer~. ya...14 more days and it had been a year.  

this quote is like a sentence that can solve everything, it can explain everything because it explained the unknown, the uncertainty, and the future.

The moment, I saw this wall post, I laugh and decided to just do be happy as nothing is unexpected when you expect the unexpected.

Life is like a roller coaster that not stops moving~

Because of you

Because of you....I want to change....

You...
I don't know where you are...
I don't know when I'll ever meet you....
I don't know if I already meet you....
I don't know if I every going to meet you...
I don't know if you're person I know now...


But, I know if you meet me now, you won't want me...

That's why because of you, I want to change..
Change all those bad habits I have now...
Change all the things girls won't like about me...
Change how I treat people
Change my laziness
Change my attitude to study
Change myself to be more responsible
Change myself to be better in leading people
Change myself to become a better man...

They say never change yourself for a girl, its not worth it...

I'm not changing for a girl...
I'm changing for you....

Because of you...

Because of you, you deserve a better me~

I just hope you'll know =)

Expect the unexpected....

"Expect the unexpected"
....I probably the most meaningful quote I ever hear in my life time.

Maybe there are people out there who has hear this quote over and over again...
But, this quote sort of changed me...

The first time I heard of this quote, was at the AFS Pre-depature camp on the day, I was leaving Malaysia.
The explanation for the quote actually quite simple, by expecting the unexpected, you'll be expecting everything out there 

But, I like to add another sentence to this quote...

"Expect the unexpected, NEVER expect the expected"
the word "expected" means a lot of different things here...

It means hope and fantasy that most likely WONT HAPPEN......

When we think about something, we wont think about the worst case scenario...
We'll think about the best case scenario...
We'll think how great and wonderful is it....and hope for it to happen~

But those "expected" things never really happen.....
So.....


"Expect the unexpected, never expect the expected...."

Random Thoughts

A friend of mine( I actually miss her a lot, but she is a far far away..) once said this....

"People said I look mature and do everything myself, 

not that I want it...I want to be childish and play a lot but when come solving things, I have to be mature...."

I don't remember when she told me this, but I sort of agree with it. If you don't have a childish heart, you won't enjoy life to the fullest..

But what about love? Should you be a childish kid or a mature man?


I haven't been this crazy for a girl in a long time. It's actually true...after meeting her, I actually think about her A LOT!!!!!! Can't let her go out of my mind, I can't even think of other things...
She just kept on jumping into my thoughts!!!!


It just happen too fast and too quick...


I don't even have her HP number....


I think I deserve a chance... =)

College 2nd Semester 2nd Week

Just the second week into my second semester, and all the things that are happening at the same time...are going to drive me crazy!!!

Let's talk about the courses I am taking...


1) Calculus with Analytic Geometry II
The killer subject, according to my seniors. Statistics has shown that nearly 50% of the students drop the class after the first test and only 50% of the remaining students pass the course. So, only 25% of the students going to survive this course.

I admit my calculus suck, I still can't see much of its use in life. I don't believe the fact that all those complicated equations exist in real life. If I can't excel or at least pass this subject, how am I going to be a successful engineer or economist(if I want la)?

2) General Chemistry I   
I feel I don't know a lot of things the lecturer thought in class today. With all those scientific terms and meaning, as a science student, I don't really know a lot of the chemicals on the periodic table. To be honest, I still can't really understand most of the concepts behind chemistry.

Hope this subject won't kill me....

3) Introduction to Psychology
You maybe thinking.... Psychology. It's just the study of human. Then you are definitely wrong, Psychology got so many branch and theorems. With all those definition that need to memorize, and examples. Even the first 2 chapters are jammed with argument and ideas on how humans function as an individual.

I hate memorizing things....but I'm forced to...

4) Introduction to Computer and Information processing
I thought I will like this subject when I enroll for it, thinking it will be a walk in the park for me, as I ONCE thought I know a lot about computer.

The ugly truth? I hardly know anything computer. I mean the real names of things, for example when we talk about disks we called them CD, and the machine reading it CD-ROM , but the truth is CD-ROM is the real name for the disk and the CD-ROM drive is real name for the device reading the CD-ROM....

There also a lot of things, I only know a bit there and here, which I consider I know nothing.

5) Introduction to Microeconomics
The study of how people use limited resources to fulfill unlimited wants. Sound easy? but I think I need to memorize a lot of things about it. I got interest in it, so I think it should be ok for me. Plus the test are mostly in Multi Choice Questions (MCQ). Isn't it great?

Sometimes I ask myself....
Why we cannot study about things we like and care of in college?
Why we must follow the study guide that they provided?
Why we must only study things that can score an A+ easily but you hardly have interest in it?
Why I can't study what I want?

I'm scared....

*I promise this will be last sad and emo post le about relationships, unless something else happens~

Loving a girl is like making her the most important person in your life.
But how many guys really did it?

 I once loved a girl...but to be honest, I didn't do anything special for her. Looking back, I see myself as a jerk that doesn't understand girls. I see myself as a childish ignorant kid that doesn't understand love. Only when you lose it, you only understand how important she is in your life.
That was the past and years have passed since....

Between now and then, a few girls stepped into my heart...
But I never won their hearts...

Until now....

A story that very few people know..and very few people will understand...
A story that I hope she will never know and never understand...

I remember the first day I saw her, She stood out from the others, she has a smile that can brighten your day.
As time passes.... I slowly see a lot of similarity between us, the way we're raised, the way we think and others. Slowly she conquered my heart.....

But, I never got the guts to take the first step....
I was scared that I will never succeed..
I was scared of problems that will come out in the future....
I was scared she will never accept me..
since why should she?

I'm not someone special...
I'm just an ordinary kid around the block...

A kid that complains a lot...
A kid that talking before thinking..
A kid that is stupid
A kid that is bad at talking
A kid that doesn't deserve to be loved...

I always think I'm special or handsome...
But the truth is that
I'm never the most handsome guy in college..
I'm not the most popular person in college..
I'm not the smartest person in college...
I'm not a good friend nor a good listener...
I'm nothing...
I'm only a B compare to others.....


Soon....she found her true love somewhere else....

The most painful part of loving someone isn't being rejected by someone..
But seeing her with someone else...

Knowing that the lucky guy isn't you...
Knowing that all the fantasy with her can never come true...
Knowing that you just hit the wall....
Knowing that....It's never going to happen...

That's when you have to wake up from all those stupid dreams you have and face the reality...

I never knew until I saw the way she reacts with that guy, I never thought that she will be with him...
That day was probably the saddest day I have in months...I hold back my feelings and shoved it into the deepest part of my heart...
The second day, I asked her....and she said she is in a relationship with that guy...

The moment she told me that, I started to laugh, maybe laughing at how stupid I was..
I was sad and happy at the same time....
I wanted to tell her how I felt about her, but the best she should never know...
Seeing her happy with him, is the best thing I can do and slowly forget about her...

Time is the best medicine...

But the other question is....
Why don't dare to take the first step...

I don't think I'm ready to love someone...
I scare I cannot do what a good boyfriend should do...
I scare I cannot make her feel special
I scare I will repeat the same mistake again, and hurt another girl...
I scare I will hurt someone again...

I'm scared....


 

My Movie Genre

Everyone loves movies....I mean EVERYONE...

Its sort of an escape for our dull and normal life, and let us imagine things beyond our imagination.

Movies let our wildest dream come true~

But every year thousands of movie come to our theater and which on to choose? 

For me I choose it according to this chart

- Love      means movie that I like

- Hate       means....its self-explained

- Stupid    means movie that are for no brainer

- Smart     means movies that can give you a headache after the movie

Lets see.....

I like Michael Bay's movies, but their are stupid, besides the "bang, bang,bang"...there are nothing special about it.

Then Christopher Nolan's movies are great and make you think so much, your heads going to come out..example, Inception, how many people have to discuss with others to understand the whole movie.

......

......

NEVER EVER BRING ME TO WATCH HORROR FILMS!!!!!!

I think they are stupid and the only reason someone to see horror films is to scare a girl into holding their hands

I don't like anything happen before the 1900.. so those movies about cowboys, roman gladiator, ancient people.....is a NO NO

Another type of movies I can't stand are movies with terrible CG...If you can't afford the budget don't do it...I seen movies with less budget and good CG... Even youtube videos sometimes make better CG then some movies...

Any movie with Action is watchable for me... I don't think any action movie can fail to entertainment people.

Romance...

For a guy, I really like stories about sweet love stories. As long it ends on a happy note...

Maybe it is because I wish those stories can happen to me, and that guy can be me.

I have a bad habit of jumping around when watching romance movies... I just can't stay at spot and when bad things happen, I just close my eyes and don't want to see it~

So, anyone want to go watch movie with me?

p/s I kept on typing see movie instead of watch movie